A of All...

Ten points to the first person who can correctly identify who the title of my blog is referring to. The person to whom I am referring can't play. That wouldn't be fair.

Anyway, I've had some trouble deciding on the best way to share all that God has done. I've processed through a lot of it, but since this is the internet, I prayed about what exactly I will share and how much. After much journaling and prayer, I've decided to lead off the post-trip posts with the change that happened to me while in Leuven.

I can say with 100% certainty that I am not the same Rachel that I was four-ish weeks ago. I don't know exactly when the change occurred, or how, I just know that it happened. I feel a lightness, a joy, a childlike approach to life, and a freedom that I didn't feel prior to the trip. I feel like, for the first time, I am resting - truly resting - in the peace of God that comes when you really do trust Him.

I'll use a real-world example to show the change that has happened inside of me. The university that I work for is expanding the number of athletes from 160 to 200. Currently, I am the only certified athletic trainer for our athletic department and our training room is straining to accommodate all of our current athletes. When I left for Belgium, I was told that we would be adding some storage, rearranging the layout of the training room, have a job post up for a new assistant athletic trainer so I could start sifting through resumes while I was overseas, doing some much needed repairs to the training room, and that my pay would go up so that it would be closer to what I should be making for the job that I do. I come back to find that none of the promises have been denied (but they didn't take my assistant), and I actually lost a sizable chunk of my budget that I use to bring in extra help. Needless to say, there was some frustration and disappointment when I was told this news.

Now, old-Rachel would have freaked out. I would have been stressed; I would have gotten really, really angry; I would have panicked; I would have been bitter; I would have bottomed out. But, I'm not old-Rachel any more. I'm new-Rachel. So, while there was frustration, disappointment, and feeling a little overwhelmed, I was alright with it all. Because I know that my God is a God who is bigger than a university. My God has carried me through life up until this very moment and I know He won't drop me now. He has made it very clear that I'm supposed to stay where I am for right now, so I know that He will make sure I have all I need to do the job well. I just need to keep returning to Him, trusting in what Christ did on the cross, and not try and do it on my own strength. My strength will fail, as I have seen it do before. Sure, things may work out for a bit, but at the end of the day, I will go down in a spectacular, fiery crash. While God sometimes uses flames to refine me, they are meant for good, not evil destruction.

I would appreciate prayers, though. There has been a lot of coach turnover this past year, and I am one of the few staff members remaining this year. It's going to be a tough adjustment year for everyone, and I pray that I can shine my light and point everyone toward the Anchor that keeps me steady and grounded.

Tot Ziens!

Here it is... my least favorite part of the trip: the end. I'm not too sure how coherent my thoughts will be because I didn't go to bed last night until after two and it is currently 4:56am as I sit here and type this.

My heart breaks as our time here as a team comes to a close. This team is so much more than a team, we are a true family. I will miss each and every person with every part of my being, and it makes me sad to think that we all live so far apart (with the exception of my fellow Texan). The Lord has used every person on this team to speak into my life, be it with wisdom, encouragement, or a revelation about His character.

Not only will I miss my new-found family, but I will miss all of my new friends that I have made. I will miss the accents, the questions, the different lifestyles,  and the conversations. I will miss listening to the Dutch/Flemish language. Of course, I will miss the silly things - Speculoos, ice cream, and waffles, but they are just the added bonus of the ability to do life with some truly amazing people - both believers in Christ and non-believers.

I am truly thankful for the opportunity that God has given me to travel to Cinque Terre, Italy for the next four days. While I am a little hesitant to travel alone, I am also looking forward to having that time with no laptop, no large group, and really have some quality time with God. I worship Him through food, so the thought of having Italian food, some good wine, and the chance to sit with God, praying about all that has happened on this trip is something that I am looking forward to. When I'm honest, I really think that I need to take the next four days and be alone, because if I had the distraction of others, I wouldn't really properly work through all that has been done through me, in me, around me, and goodness knows what other prepositions could be used regarding Him.

This post is not the last post that I will put up about this trip. I have much to share, but I can't properly share it all right now because I cannot articulate what exactly God has done. Over the next few weeks, as He slowly walks with me through the mountain of experiences that have occurred, I'm sure He will reveal what He wants me to blog about. Which is where the title of the post comes from. "Tot ziens" means see you later. I know that I will see this family again. We will be able to connect in person, not just online. This isn't good-bye by any means, but merely a, "See you later!"

Messy Pierre's - AKA European Sloppy Joes

When you say "Messy Pierre's", you have to say it with a ridiculous French accent to get the full effect of the dish. Our own Paul H. gave this dish its new name. It's the recipe from last year - a European twist on an American classic. I say "European twist" in that the BBQ sauce is pretty much a mystery and the meat that I'm using is a blend of ground beef and pork. And maybe chicken? Whatever it is, it's delicious and always a crowd pleaser. This will be the last meal that I cook here in Belgium for the year. Tomorrow, one of our new Belgian pole vaulter friends (who also happens to be the reigning Belgian champ) is cooking us a traditional Belgian meal. It makes me very sad to think that our time here is coming to an end and that I will have to leave on Sunday. I will have one more full day on the 21st of July before I fly back to Texas on the 22nd, but it won't be the same being here without my crazy family. This happened last year, and to be honest, I was kind of hoping that it would be easier to leave this year. It looks like, however, that it will be just as hard, if not harder, to leave. 

Anway, back to the reason you're here - the food:

Ingredients:

• One pound of ground meat
• One red or orange bell pepper, chopped
• Two carrots, chopped
• One bottle mystery Belgian BBQ sauce
• One can crushed tomatoes
• Buns

Prep:

• Brown the ground beef. Add the sauce and tomatoes and simmer for 20 minutes.
• Add the vegetables, stir together, and simmer for another 15-20 minutes. 
• Serve on a bun, as a sandwich or open-faced (filling on top of an open bun)

Panzanella Salad

I'm heading over to Italy next Sunday, so I thought I would get in the Italian mood by serving this salad. The e.coli outbreak does not deter me from serving a dish full of tomatoes and cucumbers (the vegetables affected the most by the outbreak), mainly because Belgium has some of the strictest food standards that I have ever seen and there was not one case reported in the entire country.

This recipe is based off an Ina Garten recipe, and she is one of my favorite Food Network people. All of her recipes are easy, simple, and crowd pleasing. This dish is just day-old bread, veggies, some added chicken for good measure, and a vinaigrette dressing. How fabulous is that (Anyone?? Anyone??)?

Ingredients:

• Three Tablespoons olive oil
• One small French bread, cut into one-inch cubes (about six cups)
• One teaspoon Kosher salt
• Pepper to taste
• Two large, ripe tomatoes, cut into cubes
• One cucumber, skinned, seeded, and sliced 1/2 inch thick
• One red bell pepper, cut, seeded, and sliced into one-inch cubes
• One yellow bell pepper, cut, seeded, and sliced into one-inch cubes
• 20 large basil leaves, coarsely chopped
• Three boneless, skinless chicken breasts cooked and cubed into one-inch cubes
• Your choice of vinaigrette dressing

Prep:

• In a large saucepan, heat the oil and add the bread. Season liberally with salt and pepper, turning frequently until all of the bread is browned, about ten minutes.
• In a large bowl, mix remaining ingredients. Add the bread and too with the vinaigrette. Allow salad to sit for at least thirty minutes for flavors to blend. 

Turkey Black Bean Quesadillas

Before I get to the food for yesterday's dinner, I have a prayer request. One of my pole vaulter girls took a nasty spill during a gym workout yesterday and has sprained her ankle pretty badly. We ended up going to the hospital here in Leuven, just to confirm what I thought and so her insurance would cover her rehab back home. I just finished rehab with her today and she went from being unable to walk this morning to walking, though limping, unassisted down the hall. Praise God for healing! So, here is our meal from last night: turkey black bean quesadillas!

This recipe is brought to y'all by my Aunt Ryn, or Kathy Gillen, as she is knows to the rest of the world. She is passionate about helping people, especially families, learn how to eat well without breaking the bank or sacrificing good-tasteing food. Her business, Wellness Roadtrip, teaches people how to turn from over-processed and store bought food to healthy, home-cooked meals. She also knows more about supplements than anyone I know, and coming from someone immersed in the medical field, that's saying something. I think she proves that my love of cooking good food is genetic. Like me, she also just uses recipes as guidelines, not the hard-and-fast truth.

Alright, now that the updates and shameless plug are out of the way, let's get to the food!

Ingredients:

• 1 pound ground turkey
• Half an onion, diced
• 2 teaspoons olive oil
• Half a cup kale or spinach, chopped
• Half a red pepper, diced
• 2 Tablespoons water
• One cup canned black beans
• One teaspoon cumin
• One teaspoon chili powder
• Half a teaspoon garlic powder
• Quarter of a teaspoon salt
• 8 whole wheat tortillas 
• Toppings, such as shredded cheese, salsa, diced tomatoes, etc

Prep:

• Preheat the oven to 400*
• In a medium saute pan, heat the olive oil and cook the onion until it is translucent. Add the turkey and cook for 2-3 minutes, stirring occasionally.
• On a plate, roughly mash the beans (optional)
• Add the rest of the ingredients, allowing mixture to simmer for 10 minutes, or until the kale/spinach wilts. 
• While filling is cooking, lightly grease a cookie sheet and lay four tortillas on it. Spoon in filling, add toppings, and then place another tortilla on top. 
• After five minutes, flip the tortillas using a large spatula, cooking for another 5-7 minutes or until the cheese has melted. 

Why I Cook

So after an awesome Big Red Couch conversation with one of my Belgian teammates, a blog post was born. Actually, I was told that I have to blog about this topic that we discussed. So, here I am, praying the Holy Spirit will speak through me again and that the heart behind my love of everything kitchen-related will be told in a way that others can connect to.

The reason behind why I cook is because it is a way that I worship God. I am able to come before Him; to experience creation in a way that is more intimate than just being outside; to have dance parties where I can let myself go, relaxing and not having the nagging thoughts about what people are thinking of me; I see the church body come together when I cook; and best of all, I see how the sanctification process in the process of preparing food.

I'll expand those last two thoughts. First, how I see the church body come together in food. Not only is food my favorite way to love people, to bring people together, I see people in the different food that I prepare. In Scripture (1 Corinthians 12: 12-31), Paul addresses the body and how it is made up of individual parts, all with individual jobs, but brought together in different ways to accomplish one mission.

But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. (1 Corinthians 12:18-20 ESV)

 I see food in a similar light. God has created an entire planet full of wonderful things to eat. Some things can be enjoyed on their own, such as a crisp apple or a cool glass of milk. Other things He created can be enjoyed together, like a cheese burger, pesto, beer, or Indian food. The crazy part of this is that each one of those things is not only a little mini-family of individuals working together, but they are going to taste differently to every person. And God knows that. He has created us to have differing tastes, He knows what we like, He knows what we don't like, and He blesses us with the opportunity to enjoy his harmony of His creation. We are able to experience Him not only when the church gathers as a body, but also at an incredibly intimate level. When we eat, we all experience food in a different way. It is something that we can do in fellowship with others, but the experience going on inside of us is something that is ours. God meets us in a way that is totally unique to the individual. Not one recipe is the same.

Now, the sanctification part, or becoming more like Christ. As much as I wouldn't like it to be, I know the process will be continual until the day that I am called home. In my limited experience, I have found sanctification messy, painful, and similar to rehab exercises. But, the end result is always good. I see sanctification in cooking. Let's look at something that everyone should be relatively familiar with: cooking pasta. Once we get over the fact that the pasta section in the grocery store is one of the largest sections in the grocery store (much like the number of people groups on this earth), pasta cooking is pretty straight forward.

• Step one: Remove pasta from packaging. You can't cook pasta properly when it is surrounded by a box (or plastic wrapping). Like pasta, we can't begin our sanctification until we are taken out of our little box.
• Step two: Boil water. And not just the little bubbles, but a good, rolling boil. The job won't get done if the water isn't hot.
• Step three: Add pasta to boiling water. There's really no way around this step. Pasta must meet boiling water. We live in a culture that preaches comfort and easy living. But, as one of the principles that we are going over here said, God cares more about our condition than our comfort. 
• Step four: Cook the pasta, at a slightly reduced heat, for a period of time. Unlike blanching vegetables, this isn't instantaneous. The good news about this step is that the heat is ever so slightly reduced, and there is some relief offered in the stirring that occurs on occasion. This makes sure the pasta is cooking and isn't sticking together. If you let it just cook in heat, the end result isn't as pretty or appealing. 
• Step five: Drain the pasta. Shake it out, but don't wash it. Getting rid of the water allows for anything to be removed that shouldn't be added to the finished product, but washing it will remove too much of what makes pasta what it is. 
• Step six: Mix it together with other ingredients. This is my favorite part of the process. There are some days where I stick with familiar pasta add-ons, but there are days where I look around my kitchen and just start tossing things in a bowl. While cooked pasta would, I guess, be an okay snack or meal, it is definitely enjoyed better with other things. It wasn't meant to be alone. And we aren't meant to be alone, either. God created us for fellowship, to be a family, to walk through this life with others. 

I know not everyone sees cooking the way that I do. I know that God has definitely used me as a way to reach people by having me cook good things and share them with others. I want to feed the hungry - both the physically and the spiritually hungry. The Gospel is scandalous, offensive to, and unwanted by a lot of people, and sometimes conversations can be tricky to share God's love. But, I have yet to meet a person who would refuse a good, home cooked meal at a table with others. So, for as long as the Lord allows me, I will continue to worship Him through food and inviting both believers and not-yet-believers to my table, sharing my love for them through food and praying that they are able to see some of the love that God has for all of us.

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Ah...Sundays. The Sabbath. A day to rest, be with God, and enjoy Him in all of the ways that He reveals Himself to us. So, I am taking some time to catch up on my video/picture uploads, and to say hello to you fine people out there.  :)

God continues to bless us in some crazy ways here in Belgium. We have been blessed to have made some new friends who just happen to be pole vaulters, so we have been able to transport our 15-foot long poles with relative ease. We have also been adopted into a local "athletics" (track and field) club here, so we have a team to invest in and some coaches on hand to help us out. Concerning our budget, we are still in the green! Praise God for financial provisions! We also have a meeting place about 5 minutes (by bike), provided to us by ICEL Church here in Leuven. Check out their website here. We were able to attend their service today and I can say that if God should ever call me to live in Leuven, I know that I have a home church. There are people from China, Africa, the Middle East, Eastern Europe, Western Europe, and (today) America. People of all ages, in all walks of life. The most beautiful part was when they prayed in Dutch. I didn't understand anything except for a few scattered Dutch words, but I understood the heart behind it. Just to know that people from all different languages can come together, pray with the same heart, worship with the same heart, and not need a common language other than the Holy Spirit to communicate is truly amazing.

Yesterday we had a meet in Kortrijk, about two hours from Leuven. We made a new friend, Charlie from California, and have adopted him into our dysFUNctional family, along with Alex, FloTrack intern. Alex is a believer, but we haven't had a discussion about what he himself thinks about God. But, there's no rush. I keep feeding the both of them and I am praying that God's love will be made known through food.

Tomorrow is a big day - we are taking a day-trip to Amsterdam! The Corrie ten Boom house will be closed, but we may stop by the outside just to see it, but then we will be spending the day exploring Amsterdam. I can't speak for the rest of the team, but I will be going to the Anne Frank house. And maybe taking a canal tour. Who knows!

I do have a personal prayer request to share with y'all. On the Friday that we got to Belgium, I broke out into hives. They have since gotten worse and the itching is making me pretty uncomfortable. I'm thinking it may be something in the tap water (which is an expensive allergy to have, but c'est la vie), or maybe it's something that I'm eating. All I know is that I'm popping antihistamine pills like candy and buying a lot of bottled water. They are the worst after I eat something. It's very frustrating. But, other than being super itchy, I'm doing really well and loving the trip. I'm super-pumped to share my stories with y'all!

Lemon Pepper Chicken Sandwiches

Today you get an actual recipe! And a link! I've never tried this recipe (since I haven't had meat since January), but it's from one of my favorite food blogs, and every other recipe I have tried has been fantastic. I'm not going to be following it exactly (because the amount of bacon used makes me a little queasy), but you have to live a little. So, today, there will be bacon. With a generous side salad and whatever veggies look good when I'm doing my shopping.

Presenting lemon pepper bacon sandwiches, as adopted from The Pioneer Woman!

Ingredients:

• Boneless, skinless chicken breasts - washed and patted dry
• Lemon-pepper seasoning
• Bacon strips
• Cheddar cheese slices
• Buns

Prep:

• Place each chicken breast between two sheets of wax paper. Using the smooth side of a mallet (or rolling pin, or heavy can), flatten the chicken so it is uniform thickness.
• Cut the bacon strips in half and cook in a skillet on medium-low heat until the bacon looks chewy. Drain the grease, saving one tablespoon. Lay cooked bacon on paper towels to finish draining. 
• With the skillet still on medium-low heat, add the remaining tablespoon of grease. Sprinkle the chicken breasts GENEROUSLY with lemon pepper. Lay in pan to cook.
• Cook on one side until the edges are no longer pink (about four minutes). 
• Flip the chicken over and add the bacon to the chicken. Add the cheese slices and cover so the cheese has a chance to melt. 
• Serve on buns. Lettuce, tomatoes, whatever else would be good as well.

Chicken Pasta Salad

We actually had this dish on Wednesday night, but since I blogged about what God is doing, this one got pushed a little farther down the priority list. Also adding to the delay was the fact that we had a track meet last night. This wasn't on our original schedule of meets, but we picked it up because someone was able to take our poles to the meet, since taking them on the train is kind of out of the question.

This is one of my favorite summertime meals. It's light, cool, but filling at the same time. You can use whatever veggies you have laying around - fresh, frozen, raw, cooked, whatever.

Ingredients:

• One boneless, skinless chicken breast (or one can Great White Northern beans. Or both.)
• Farfalle pasta (I am used to cooking for one, so check the back of the box/bag for serving sizes)
• Tri-color cheese tortellini (This is optional, but I recommend it. Follow the packaging for serving size)
• Chopped baby carrots
• Corn
• Peas
• Cherry tomatoes
• Italian dressing 
• Parmesan cheese

Prep:

• Cook your protein - cube the raw chicken and cook in a pan with olive oil, salt, and pepper. For the beans, wash and drain them before quickly heating them through in a pan using the olive oil, salt, and pepper. Set aside in a bowl to cool.
• Cook the desired amount of pasta following the instructions on the packaging. I usually start the farfalle pasta first, then add the tortellini since it doesn't need as much time to cook. Drain and set in a bowl to cool, adding just enough olive oil to prevent pasta from sticking together.
• I personally use mostly raw vegetables, but if you have some frozen ones, bring them to room temperature (thaw, cook, boil/drain) and put in a large bowl.
• Add your chicken/beans and pasta to the large bowl. Toss salad to mix everything together. Add the Italian dressing and Parmesan cheese now or once you have the salad in individual bowls.

Scarecrows

Alright, here it is, the first actual blog post not related to food or the team. This one is all about what God is teaching me on this adventure in Belgium. And, as always, it isn't neat or tidy.

First, a backstory: Back some months ago in Bible study, we were discussing how to fight the lies that we tend to believe. Lies such as, "I'm not good enough,"; " I have to have it all together before I go to God,"; "[Person's name] is so much better than me and I'll never be that good." There are others, but those are a little to personal for such an impersonal internet. Anyway, one of the ladies had some wise words for us that someone in her life has recently shared with her: Those thoughts [lies] are like birds. They will be fluttering around, but they can't build nests there.

That picture really stuck with me, these destructive thoughts that are trying to camp out where they are unwanted. I think the problem was (or is, when I'm honest) that I was relying too hard on my own strength to clear those birds out of my head. I don't have the time or the energy to fight these birds. There are too many of them and they always come in flocks. I would drive myself nuts if I spent my days fighting them off. But, I like to try and fight them alone. I want to pull myself up by my bootstraps. It's the American way. For whatever reason, those damaging thoughts have been appearing recently on this trip. And they have been trying their hardest to build nests.

Farmers have the same struggle against the birds that attack their crops. They don't have the time or energy to fight those birds. But, they have a tool to fight these birds - scarecrows. I started praying that God would give me a scarecrow of my own. Something to scare these lies out of my head and let the seeds that He has planted grow, safe from those pests, and able to flourish under the skilled, experienced hand of the Gardener. Something lifted up high above the garden that the birds will avoid. Once I finally stopped talking at God and gave Him the opportunity to respond, He did. Ever so gently, He reminded me that He has already given me a scarecrow, but I have been neglecting to trust that the Scarecrow will do His job.

I'll be honest, the first time I compared the picture of a scarecrow to the image of Christ on the cross, I felt a little uncomfortable. I mean, the image I have when someone says, "scarecrow" is the goofy looking guy from The Wizard of Oz. But once I stopped looking at the physical appearance of a scarecrow and started looking at what they do, I felt better. It is comforting to know (and be reminded of the fact) that I don't have to do this thing called life on my own. I am not the Gardener, I am His flower. And flowers are not made to chase birds. Flowers trust that the Gardener will give it what it needs to flourish. Flowers turn their faces toward the sun (or, Son, in my case); flowers send their roots down deep into the good soil for nourishment and to remain safely planted where they have been placed.

I pray that I remember who I am, not who I think I am. I pray that I trust Him and who He has created me to be.  I pray that I turn and look to my Scarecrow every day. I pray that I remember my Scarecrow and what He has done for me. And that I trust in Him to protect me from those pesky birds.

Stuffed Bell Peppers - Mexican Style!

I am a picky pepper eater. I only like green peppers after they have been cooked or drowned in ranch dressing. I prefer to cook with orange or yellow peppers. Red peppers are reserved for snacks - chopped up and dipped in hummus. Peppers are great for stuffing. I usually eat mine with the top cut off and the seeds removed, but for a bigger portion size, cut the pepper in half, going through the stem. This recipe should serve four people, but you can play with portion sizes.

Ingredients:

• Four bell peppers (I like orange), washed and either cut in half or remove the stem and seeds.
• One pound lean ground beef (or one can of black beans if you're a veg-head, or one pound mystery Belgium meat)
• One jar of salsa
• Sour cream
• Shredded cheese (I like Colby Jack and Cheddar)
• Corn
• Brown rice

Prep:

• Preheat the oven to 350*
• In a pan, brown the ground beef. If you are using beans, rinse and drain them, and warm them through.
• Now for the rice. You can do one of two things - prepare the rice before hand and stuff it in the pepper with all of the other ingredients OR you can serve it as a side. Your call, just make sure you follow the cooking instructions on the packaging.
• Stuff your pepper! I like to end with sour cream and cheese on top, but follow as the Spirit leads you.
• Place your peppers on a baking sheet and cook for 25-30 minutes. 

In addition to these awesome peppers, our good friend Roel made us a delicious vegetable quiche as a side dish. You wouldn't think that quiche and stuffed peppers would go well, but they did. He said that he will provide the recipe as a guest-blog post, so once I get that, I will pass it along.

Black Bean "Burgers" with Roasted Red Potato Fries

Athletes are taught from the very beginning how important their diet is. The main source of protein has always been meat, but what happens when you're a vegetarian and still an athlete? How can you still train at the level that you need to be at while properly fueling your body?

That was the dilemma that I faced when God had me give up meat/seafood/eggs (as a food, not in baking) in preparation for this trip. While I am not a Division-I athlete, I do work out pretty hard at least four days a week, in addition to the lifting, standing, and sometimes sprinting that happens at work. So, after some Googling and using Stumble Upon, I found a blog that seemed to help me solve my no meat problem.

Enter nomeatathlete.com. This guy does marathons and super-marathons, running purely on plants. I did some more research, found some more blogs, and started living life as an almost-vegan. This recipe is one of my favorites that I've come up with, and I hope you like it, too!

Ingredients:

• One can of black beans, washed and drained (Or, white beans if you are in a country that doesn't have black beans, say...Belgium for example.)
• One egg
• Italian bread crumbs (start with 1/4 cup and add more as needed)

Prep:

• In a medium bowl, mash the black beans with a fork until all beans have been broken apart
• Add one egg and bread crumbs, mixing well. Add the bread crumbs gradually. You want the mixture to be sticky but not impossible to work with.
• Divide mixture into four equal parts
• Form each section into a "patty"
• In a cast iron (or non-stick) skillet, cook patties for a couple of minutes on each side, until just slightly brown
• Move the cast iron skillet directly into a 350* oven for 20 minutes. If you used a non-stick pan, transfer patties to an oven-safe baking dish for the same amount of time.

Once the "burgers" are cooked, you have a blank canvas at your finger tips. Add cheddar cheese, ketchup, and mustard for a more traditional flavor. Or, get creative! One of my favorite ways to dress up my patty is with Indian sauces and serving it on naan in place of a bun. 

For the roasted red potato fries, wash and quarter some red potatoes. Toss in olive oil, salt, and pepper. Spread them out on a baking sheet and cook for 45 minutes at 450*, until golden brown.

We didn't have a cast iron skillet here, so I just baked them on a cookie sheet for 20 minutes. They turned out alright, but I definitely prefer the black beans to the white beans. 

Spinach Salad

Sundays are salad nights here in Leuven. Grocery stores (along with all the other stores) shut down here on Sunday, so we stock up on Friday since we are traveling to meets on Saturday. Tonight's meal is pretty straight forward - spinach salads with whatever you want. I will list some of the things that I like, as well as some of the things we picked up here.

Ingredients:

• Loose-leaf baby spinach 
• Boneless, skinless chicken breasts (cook in olive oil, sea salt, and pepper)
• Chic peas/Garbanzo beans
• Shredded carrots
• Tomatoes
• Mozzarella cheese
• Italian dressing
• Snap peas

Really, whatever you want. Toss it all in a bowl and enjoy!

We have been out of Leuven for the past three days, competing in a meet in Oordegem. We stayed in the dorms they have on site, and had an awesome opportunity to meet athletes from all over. We have new friends from Ireland, Nottingham (England), and Israel. The team did well, though we didn't place individually. 

Roel joined us for the meet on Saturday, bringing our poles since we couldn't bring them on the train. Then, he surprised our team with a guided tour of southern Belgium, and even a little bit of France. We got back late to the hostel around 10.30pm with dinner at 11. We haven't been in Belgium for a week and we're already turning into Europeans.

Well, I'm pretty exhausted, and I want to go to bed so I can climb tomorrow at an indoor rock gym before lunch and teamtime. Please pray for all of our new international friends, both new and old. Please pray that we can continue to build relationships and have some awesome conversations. 

Chicken Stir-Fry

Before we get to the food, I want to do a little intro to "Cooking With Rachel". As my roommate can vouch for, I tend to use recipes more as guidelines when I cook. So, I will be blogging the original recipe and making notes of things that I have changed along the way. I will also be linking you to the website that the recipe came from, because there will be other tasty things for you to try there.

This first recipe is actually one that I made up last year after I wandered around the supermarket. There are no actual measurements, and the amount of veggies/chicken/peanuts you use is totally up to you. I do everything by taste/feel/smell.

Ingredients:

• One chicken breast (boneless, skinless if possible)
• Sugar snap peas/snow peas
• Bell peppers, chopped (I prefer red/orange/yellow)
• Shredded carrots
• Peanuts 
• Rice (brown is preferred, but white will do)
• Soy sauce (to taste)
• Olive oil
• Salt and pepper

Prep:

• Cook rice as directed on package. 
• Cube the chicken breast into bite-sized pieces
• Pour a quater-sized amount of olive oil in a pan and let warm. Add chicken breast and cook until just slightly undercooked. Add more oil if the chicken sticks.
• In a larger, separate pan, add olive oil and let warm. Add veggies and let cook until just tender. 
• Add chicken to the veggie pan, along with the soy sauce. Cook until chicken is done.

To prepare, put rice at the bottom of a bowl, add chicken and veggies, and top with more soy sauce if desired. Garnish with some peanuts and enjoy!

"So, What's God Doing in Your Life?"

I started four different blog posts, saved each one, and have since deleted all of them in my quest to figure out just what exactly He is up to in my life. I've had a lot of people excited to hear what God is doing, and I so badly want to share, but even after sitting down with Ashley and talking through all of the events of the past week and a half, I am still a little lost.

I have absolutely no idea what God is doing in my life. And I'm okay with that.

Talking with Ashley really helped. One thing that she said, and has really stuck with me, is that it can be hard to see exactly what is going on when you're still in the middle of the work He has planned. I thought that after I came back from Training Camp, I would have some down time to process through and see what the heck was going on, but I am coming to find out that He just isn't showing me what is happening. In The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom recounts a time in her life when a family member died. She is talking to her father about what happens and is frustrated that she doesn't know why it happened. Her father tells her to think about when she was a little girl. They would ride the train together, her father never giving her the train ticket she needed to board the train until just the right time - right when they were boarding. God, Corrie's father says, is like that - never giving us anything until just the right time.

I can tell you that God has answered prayer over this past week and a half. He has allowed me to do life for a full week with true, genuine men of God. Men who are seeking Him, His heart, His character, and His will for their lives. For the last six-to-eight weeks of the school year, I did a lot of traveling and spent a lot of time around grown boys. It can be discouraging when that is the only picture of guys that you see. Praise God that He decided to show me just how wrong and ugly that lie is. I am incredibly thankful to have met and done life with the men that I met at Training Camp and I am excited to meet the men that God has on Team Belgium.

Another answered prayer was that of community. Now, don't get me wrong, the Lord has blessed me with an amazing group of friends on whom I lean, cry, and collapse when life is tricky. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I go back to my job, where I am the lone Christian in my athletic department. I cannot fellowship with the athletes in a way that I fellowship with my friends, so the feeling of being isolated is pretty overwhelming sometimes. Training Camp provided the opportunity to meet Christian athletes (ones that I was not directly responsible for) and coaches (that I didn't have to worry about messing up any working relationships), and I was able to establish meaningful relationships. One of the directors said something that has stuck with me as I have been praying. He was talking about how he met his wife while working with AIA - "Jesus and sport. That's enough to build a life together." For me, it wasn't a romantic relationship that formed, but we as a team were able to come together as a family because Jesus and sport were enough for us. It was something that was truly beautiful.

Answered prayer number three is that He has blessed me with a new Christian athletic trainer friend. Granted, she lives in Virginia, but the opportunity to get to know her, do life with her, and having the chance to take care of each other (she took care of my strained quads, I took care of her concussed brain) was encouraging. It was encouraging because I was able to talk to someone as a certified athletic trainer, not translating my stream of consciousness for someone not familiar with that language. She found out that she got her very first big-girl ATC job while we were at training camp, and it was so awesome to be able to celebrate with her. It makes me feel kind of old to think that I have been practicing for two years now, but also just amazed that God would bless me with the opportunities to serve where I have served so far. And I'm only 24!

Finally, my last answered prayer (that I can think of right now) is the fact that I feel like I have been poured into for the first time in a long, long time. Again, not saying that the community that the Lord has blessed me with here doesn't pour into me and build me up, but it is so wonderful to fellowship with people who see sport, competition, and workouts as a way to worship God. We seek to leave it all on the field or the gym as a way to say, "Thank you."  I spend so much of the school year pouring out and serving that sometimes I feel like I need to be filled back up in order just to get out of bed in the morning.  After the crazy eight days that we spent getting broken down, I have never felt more full in my life. I am ready to be sent, to meet people, to serve them, to love them, and to be poured out for them. I know that I will be doing not just those things, but also getting filled up while I am in Belgium. He will pour into me so I can pour out to my athletes come the start of the school year.

So, I may have just listed a bunch of what God is doing in my life, but I am still blind to it. Perhaps it is because God hasn't handed me my train ticket yet. Or I can't see the forest amongst the trees. For whatever reason, I'm okay with it. I trust that He will show up and have me see just exactly He wants me to learn from all of this, and if that doesn't happen until the time I'm in Italy, or even after I get back from Europe, that's okay, too. To quote Prince Erik from "The Little Mermaid," it will just hit me... like lightning!

My "Special" SPECIAL

God saw it fit to give me a different SPECIAL, a "special SPECIAL" if you will. I had been spending a lot of time in prayer with Him over the course of the week, focusing primarily on being able to apply the principle lessons in competition. He was speaking to me each day, saying that the SPECIAL would be just that for me - special. That should have been a heads-up right then, but I didn't see it. I continued to pray as I warmed up at the track before the decathlon, right up until the first event, the 100m dash. I remember thinking as the race was about to start, "Lord, help me through this race and every event to come." I took off, and not five steps into the race, it felt like someone had taken a dagger and plunged it into the center of BOTH of my quads at the same time, ripping and tearing the muscles from the top of my thigh to just above my knee. I don't remember all of what happened next, only that I didn't fall down (praise God) and that I managed to make it to the finish line. The ATC traveling with the Zimbabwe team was waiting for me at the finish line; I looked at her, stumbled toward her so she could support me, and sobbed, "Rectus femoris, pain 8.5/10, range of motion 3-/5" and I knew that I was done with the SPECIAL that AIA had planned, but I had just started the SPECIAL that God had planned for me.

I could barely stand, my quads were wanting to shut down, walking on flat ground was proving to be a feat in itself, and now my team was down a man. I was not happy, but not because I couldn't compete or because I was angry at God, but because the amount of pain that I was in was so intense. I was able (and when I say, "able," I mean "am too stubborn to know when to stop." I'm sure there's a spiritual lesson in there...) to do the shot put, discus, and javelin, though I had to climb a gravel hill twice in the process and couldn't do a full motion, just the twisting at the core and using my arms. So, I prayed for the duration of the SPECIAL. And I took care of the other athletes, including the Zimbabwe ATC, who ended up getting a pretty nasty concussion about three hours after I got hurt and had to join me on the sidelines. But I still had this intensity, this drive to compete burning deep in me, so I hobbled up and down the fields, shouting encouragement and Bible verses for my team while they competed over the course of the next 18.5 hours.

I prayed that I would be able to do Golgotha with my injury. I prayed that I would experience a miracle, because I knew how badly my quads were hurt, but I know that God is bigger than some damaged muscle fibers. By the time 11am on Wednesday rolled around, I was able to squat down in a mini-squat position with relatively little pain, though I definitely wouldn't call the position comfortable. After the Scripture reading, Team Phoenix came into the huddle one last time to pray and decide in what order people would go. I looked at everyone and said, "I don't care what number I am, but I am doing this. I can't sit this out." No one tried to dissuade me, and I was fourth in line. Finally, it was my turn. One of my teammates helped me up off the ground, made sure I was standing solidly at the top of the dam, and handed me the 2x4. By then, thunder had started rumbling in the distance and rain was visible just past the trees. God really has a way of adding some pretty dramatic touches to a situation.

As soon as I took my first shaky step down the hill, I began to hum. To be honest, it caught me a little off guard. The song that I was humming and singing in my head was a hymn - "Come Thou Fount (of Every Blessing)". The fact that I was singing "Come Thou Fount" was not surprising (it's my absolute favorite song ever), but it was the fact that the song sprang up within me so quickly. I was focused on my breathing and trying not to think about how much my legs hurt, not thinking about if I should sing a song to take my mind off Golgotha. The song was a gift from God, and I am so thankful that He popped it up in my heart while I went down the hill. It turns out that "Come Thou Fount" is the perfect length for jogging down the side of a dam. Once I got to the bottom, I shook out my legs (horrible, horrible decision), looked up the hill, and asked God to send me another song to sing as I made my way up the hill. I knew that I needed to focus on Him, worship Him, and seek Him while I went up the hill, not focus on my legs. He came through, whispering me the lyrics to "How Great Thou Art". I don't remember a whole lot about going up the hill, only that my legs were on fire and the line, "Then sings my soul, my Savior, God, to thee, how great Thou art, how great Thou art!" was on repeat for most of the way up. The crazy thing is about the entire thing is that is that line reflects exactly how I felt during my way up the hill - my soul was singing, BURSTING with joy. One foot in front of the other, one step up the hill at a time, I continued to sing a song of praise to Him.

By God's strength and power, I made it up the hill without falling. I stopped a couple of times to catch my breath and to refocus my attention back to God and not the fire in my legs. It was an incredible blessing to be able to experience something like AIA Training Camp, and an even bigger blessing to be a part of a miracle. Once I reached the top, I hit the ground. My legs were completely shot and I couldn't stand any longer. After everyone had a chance to go, we all gathered in a circle to sing "Amazing Grace". Two of the guys had to stand on either side of me just to keep me on my feet, as my legs were buckling every few minutes. Just as we started the walk back to the vans, it started to rain. I grabbed the guys again, and they helped me move a little bit faster back to the vans, reaching them just as it rain really started to pour.

I still can't believe that Training Camp really happened. I think some of that is due to a lack of sleep and being overwhelmed by God wanting to teach me a lot of things. I feel like I'm walking around in a daze, or looking down at a huge pile of clothes that need to be sorted and having no idea where to start. Once the dust settles, I'm sure I will have a lot to share, but for right now, I'm at a loss for what to type. Check back in a few days, and hopefully the Lord will have revealed to me a lesson or two.

AIA Training Camp - The Details

The amount of work God did June 8-16th is overwhelming. I'm honestly having trouble trying to keep it all straight and I'm still trying to figure out the best way to blog about it all. So, I think that I may have a plan of attack. First, I'm going to give you the details of Training Camp (which will be pretty similar to the details that I shared in my June Update), the details of Golgotha, and then the following posts will be me talking through it. So, without further ado, the details:

As part of my being on leadership this summer, Jodi wanted me to come up to Xenia for the Training Camp that was being held for two other Track and Field teams being sent out this summer (Team Zimbabwe and Team USA East [OH, MI, and NYC]), as well as for a Volleyball team going to Brazil. I would be able to experience what AIA really focuses on and see what most teams do before they leave for a project. The first day was spent checking athletes in, going through paperwork, and getting things ready for the week. The next five days were pretty much the same thing - breakfast, quiet time, Spiritual Principle, a lab where we learned how to apply the principle during competition, lunch, workshop, practice, dinner, team time, bed. On occasion, we wouldn't have practice, so we would be able to hang out and get to know one another, but for the most part, friendships were made on the court during labs or over meals.

Then came the SPECIAL on the last two days. For those of y'all who don't know what that is, it is an acronym for "Spiritual principles Plus Exhaustion equals Confidence In the Almighty Lord". What that means is a nineteen hour competition with maybe two or three hours of sleep (so, a nap, really) in between the end of day one and the beginning of day two. The SPECIAL is meant to break an athlete down physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, hopefully having them fully trust in God to get through it. Each SPECIAL is different, depending on location and team. Volleyball didn't join us for the SPECIAL, so ours was very track-focused. The first of eight (or maybe nine, I'm not sure) events started at 5pm on Tuesday with a full decathlon (pole vault was replaced with a relay), followed by angle ball, relay races on the track/football field, a top-level CrossFit workout, nap from 2am-5am Wednesday morning, campus run with the "Ark of the Covenant" and a pencil/paper test to complete at stations, Ultimate Frisbee, tug of war, kickball, and one final relay where you couldn't crack the whip.

My team, Team Phoenix, did pretty well. We decided on Phoenix as our team name because out of the ashes of an old life that has burnt away, a new life rises. Our verse to go with our theme of a fire burning away the old and a new rising up was Hebrews 12:29 - but our God is a consuming fire. The staff members kept the score, but in the end, it didn't matter. I know my team wouldn't have won the overall SPECIAL, but the events that we did win, we won convincingly. The CrossFit workout was by far the hardest one to do, physically, but for some reason, our team showed up. I was so proud of my team for digging deep, relying on Him, and never once quitting. It was by God's power that we did as well as we did.

Then, the icing on the cake - Golgotha Hill. We drove out to a state park and found a dam with some long, green, wet grass on one side. We each took a two-by-four with us down to the bottom and then had to jog/walk back up the side of the dam with the two-by-four across our back/shoulders, as Christ would have carried the cross up His Golgotha. This was a very long, very steep hill that would have proved challenging for someone coming out for a tough workout, but this was our last event of a very trying 19 hours. We were all completely broken down, but we all gladly stepped forward to experience it. This was the point where we would be able to see if God had started transforming our hearts - would we be able to worship God in the midst of pain, exhaustion, and one very steep hill? Had the principles that we had learned that week penetrated? 

2011 Track Meet Schedule

I am officially less than four weeks from Belgium! It's getting harder to contain my excitement. Here is a copy of our meet schedule for our trip:

• July 2nd - "Memorial Leon Buyle" meet in Oordegem-Lede
• July 9th - "Kortrijkse Guldensporenmeeting" meet in Kortrijk
• July 16th - "KBC Nacht" meet in Heusden

Isn't Dutch a fun language? I'd like to learn it, but living in Texas, the smart thing to do would be to improve my Spanish. 

Now, because I can, here's a fun comic about learning languages: 

 

Check out satwcomic.com for more!

With Reckless Abandon

Something that God has put on my heart recently is the following - to love God with reckless abandon. That was one of the final things that He showed me during my time on the road with my athletes. Matt Chandler was giving a sermon on the prayers that the pastors and staff at The Village Church pray, and to be honest, that phrase was just one of the many little mini-tangents that he tends follow. In this particular instance, he reigned himself back in pretty quickly and didn't elaborate. He continued on with the sermon, but I hit "pause" because those six little words hit me like a truck. What does it mean to love like that? What does it look like?

To love God with reckless abandon.

I started by looking up the words "reckless" and "abandon". I didn't bother with love because in English, it seems that the word "love" has become something of a junk word to describe lots of different feelings. I love my family, I love food, and I love God, but I don't love those three things the same way. The love that God has for me is something that I will never fully understand as long as I am here on earth. I started by looking up "reckless". According to dictionary.com, to be reckless means to be "utterly unconcerned about the consequences of some action; without caution." Then I moved on to "abandon". To abandon means, "to leave completely and finally; to forsake utterly." Knowing both of these definitions, I returned to praying about the meaning of loving God with reckless abandon. After some really awesome quiet times, I came to understand it to mean forsaking all else, disregarding consequences of that action in order to love, and be loved by, God.

To be honest, I am a do-er. I like rules, fixing things, instructions, plans, boundaries, and maps. The unknown is kind of scary to me. So, God had been so generous as to help me understand the concept of loving Him with reckless abandon, but I waned to know what that looks like. What did I need to do to show that I do love Him like that? I want that, so there must be steps that I can take to get to that point. Ever so gently, God helped me see that my legalistic-loving self was starting to come out. While discipline is good, it is not the answer. He also answered my prayer of understanding what it looks like to love like that. It is not a matter of doing or stuff or things; it is a matter of the heart. Specifically, it is about the posture of the heart. I must be willing to submit to Him, believe in Him, and trust Him.

I must preach myself the Gospel every day. I daily must return to the fact that Christ died on the cross for me. It is ONLY by believing and trusting in Him that I will have a relationship with Him that I desire now. Christ has called me into a relationship with Him, much as He did when He called the disciples from their nets, their tax collection booths, their families, their lives. The action that is required of me is to say, "Yes." I must say yes everyday, to every call, and no to every call that I know is not from God, honoring to God, or completely against what God has called me to do. The actions that result from this daily yes/no dance are a response to God, not a means to reach Him. 

Under the Microscope

It has been quite the month. Between April 28th and May 25th, I will have been on the road with either baseball or softball for twenty of the last twenty-eight days. Those twenty days have been some of the hardest, but some of the most liberating days as well. By taking me away from my usual circumstances and placing me in the company of athletes, He has taught me to not have what I am so used to. In the process, I am learning to appreciate better the blessings that He has given me, and at the same time, having Him be enough, filling those lonely times with Himself rather than my normal method of looking to friends.

The hardest part through all of this has been being aware that I am living my life under a microscope. The athletes all know that I am a Christian. I am not ashamed to admit to this title. But what gets hard is knowing that I am watched. Everything I say and do is examined. The baseball guys and softball girls are not shy about the fact that they are watching me, listening to me, and then talking to me about what they hear and see.

Though it has been pretty tiring, it has been a real blessing to be under the microscope for so long. My desire is to bring glory to God's name through my words and deeds. Sometimes at home, surrounded by fellow Christians, it is easy to be a Christian. But when you are removed from that environment, your comfort zone, you suddenly become very aware of your words and actions. At least, that is how these past nineteen days have been for me.

A story that God has been bringing me back to during this time has been one of the many instances in Matthew where Jesus is yelling at the Pharisees (religious leaders) for being hypocritical, seeking approval and status from men by saying and doing the right things while their hearts remain evil.

“Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matthew 12:33-37 ESV)

My words will be judged when I stand before God. While there is a possibility that I can change my surface behavior, only God can continue to transform my heart. I praise Him that He has allowed me the opportunity to seek Him and His power to change me. I want my heart and my words to match. I want my deeds and heart to match. And, ultimately, I want my heart to be as His heart is. And no amount of pretending to say or do the right thing will make my heart match His.

Update!

I have an update on my support-raising: God has provided $3,121 out of my total goal of $3,600!! I love it when He proves me right - that I am in fact supposed to be going back.

Also, I have been asked to speak at my church on May 28th during the sermon. The sermon for that day will be over missions, so Mike (the pastor preaching) was excited to have me speak because, "If you speak, that's five-to-ten less minutes that I have to prepare." I'm not a big fan of public speaking, but I am confident that the Holy Spirit will take over the speaking and I just have to stand up there, tell them when to change slides, and let God do His thing. 

God is Scandalous

scandalous |ˈskandl-əs|adjectivecausing general public outrage by a perceived offense against morality or law

God seems to be pretty familiar with public outrage. Israel in the Old Testament always seemed to be discontent or upset about God's decisions; prophets and men of God would disobey Him to serve their own desires; Christ was driven out of synagogs and temples when He began preaching; Paul was beaten, tortured, arrested, and put on house arrest because He would not stop proclaiming Christ; "Merry Christmas" will send people today into a tizzy; there is a bad habit among some Christians to make the Gospel appear safe as to not offend anyone; "Religion" is a topic considered taboo at dinners. To us, God is scandalous, and I think that's the way He intended it to be.

The most scandalous part about Him, for me, is His grace. That is, His free and unmerited forgiveness towards me. For whatever reason, that just doesn't seem right. But it is right. At the end of the day, I think that it is fear that compels me to feel that way.

My roommate, Ashley, attended a Biblical Counselor's conference at her church. One of the speakers was Tullian Tchvidjian, Billy Graham's grandson. She came home super-excited about what he had spoken about - God's grace. There is a lot that I copied down, but, in the effort to keep things moving, I'm just going to share the parts that really struck me.

Tullian's main point was that churches do no preach grace as outlandish and radical as it is because we are afraid of it. The church has maintained this posture of, "Yes, grace, but..." and that posture has kept moralism and legalism alive and well. We have forgotten what Paul wrote in Ephesians:

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. (Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV)

What is so interesting to me is even when we have been brought back into a relationship with God, where we can get to know Him, become more like Him, and walk with Him, we seek to repay Him. The law that we have been set free from, we turn back to as a means of paying off a debt that we think we owe. We chase freedom by either seeking to keep all of the rules or seeking to break all of the rules. At the end of the day, both of these reactions are legalism. We forget that God has done everything. When Christ said, "It is finished," (John 19:30), He didn't mean that there was still work for us to do. It. Is. Finished.

For me, this is the hardest thing to accept. I am afraid of His grace. It doesn't make sense, it doesn't fit what I know, and it certainly doesn't look like anything that I see practiced on earth. I tend to be drawn toward an imaginary check-list that I, for whatever reason, think God has for me. For the longest time, I thought that my justification (God looking at me and seeing the price that Christ paid, not the debt that I could not pay) hinged upon doing things. Praise God that He has completely changed my heart. Now, the things that I do and do not do are in response to what He has done and His unconditional love for me. The things that He has laid out for us, I want to do. As Tullian Tchvidjian said, "The impulsion to do good can only come from this undomesticated declaration that everything has already been done. Those who obey more are those who understand their standing with God is not based on their obedience, but Christ's obedience."

My prayer is that conversations happen in Belgium. Deep conversations, one where we can talk about God's character. Where we can talk about His grace. How Christ is the point of Christianity, not just His life, not just His death, not just what He taught. He is all of it. We will have lots of train rides, plane trips, track meets, and time in the hostel to make new friends. I pray that the Lord gives us hearts of compassion for those who don't know Christ. I pray that the Lord helps us listen first and then respond. I pray that we seek God when questions are asked and trust Him to give us the answers. We are merely His microphones that He will speak through. I also pray that we never forget that this is not just an international trip or a few extra meets to stay in shape. Those things are the tools by which God has blessed us to take His message to the nations. 

Hide and Seek

I am convinced, the more I learn about and grow in my relationship with God, that there is no way Christianity is a religion made up by self-serving humans. Knowing my own heart, there is no way that I would create a religion where I have to admit help, where I don't DO anything to be saved, where I must humble myself. To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't create a religion because I wouldn't see the need for one. There are far more interesting things for me to pursue. 

As it is written:
“None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God." (Romans 3:10-11 ESV)

To be perfectly honest, I don't seek Him like I should. I do seek Him, but it tends to be in times when life is really good or in times of struggles, but not in times when I feel ashamed. Recently, God gave me a glimpse of just how broken, fallen, and apart from Him my heart is. Not just those "little slips" that were so easy for me to repent of, but the true state and nature of my heart. I felt overwhelming shame, physically ill and my reaction was to run from Him. I didn't want to return to His arms - I didn't deserve that. I didn't want Him to look at me because I couldn't look at me. In my head, I knew that there wasn't a place that I could go to that would allow me to hide from God, but that didn't stop me from having that desire to hide.

But the LORD God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9 ESV) 

Praise God that He is one that pursues us, that His heart breaks for us, and that He desires to have a relationship with us. I am incredibly thankful that He exposed my heart for what it is and that He exposed it during Holy Week. Seeing and experiencing my heart has given Holy Week a new weight and tone.The events of Good Friday should have been reserved for me. I deserve God's wrath. I deserve to have God turn His face from me. But He doesn't, because there is One who stepped in my place, who bore the weight of the world on His shoulders. I love a God who loves me, not the cleaned up version of me but the version of me right now. And He loves me in a way that I cannot understand - a love that would move Him to sacrifice His one and only Son; a love that, when we surrender to it, completely transforms who we are and changes us so we desire and act in such a way that is totally against our human nature; and a love that completely destroys the definition of love that we have in our minds.

I pray that the people we connect with in Belgium would be able to see the kind of love that we have found, or rather, that has found us, and we can share it with them. I pray that they can have their definition of "LOVE" completely decimated and rebuilt with the definition that God uses. 

An Official Update

I decided to take a break from the more journal-styled entries and update y'all on what is going on behind the scenes.

The update on my support-raising process: $2,035 of a $3,600 support goal. Woo!! Praise God!

Officially, we have filled eight of the thirteen spots on the team. There are four more who need to finish submitting their application before they are officially accepted. We also have seven more people who have expressed an interest in the trip, but they are still going through the application process and praying about if this is where they are supposed to be. Prayers are especially needed for Jodi as she continues the planning process.

There is a basketball player who traveled with AIA on some summer projects a few years ago living in Belgium. She is playing professional basketball, engaged to a Belgian, and living very close to a city where one of our meets is. She has been praying that AIA can have a presence in her country, so the fact that we are coming back for a second year and (hopefully!) connecting with her is an answer to prayers on both sides of the Atlantic!

Finally, the really crazy one. There is a pole vault club in Leuven and Jodi has a connection to them! Their club name is Pole Vault Team Leuven and here is their website. The link is actually the google-translated version, and I'm crossing my fingers that it works. Jodi's contact is one of the athlete's dad. She communicated with him during her career as a collegiate pole vaulter. This is a huge answer to prayer because as of right now, our team is very, very pole vaulter heavy.

Thank y'all again for your prayers and support! I'm so excited to share the work God is doing in the Kingdom with y'all.

New Clothes

I love fashion. That comes as a surprise to some people after they know me. Most people wouldn't think to add that to my list of interests, a list that includes rock climbing, working out, and knowing more about several sports than the casual fan. I love the way that clothes can highlight, hide, transform, and be used as an expression of who someone is.

As I have grown up, I have come to appreciate what a fantastic tailor can do for a person and their clothes. My body type is hard to find clothes that fit right in all the correct spots. The "petite-length" (read: short people) jeans are usually still too long for my short legs, shirts are never long enough for my long torso, and I have to buy to fit my shoulders in coats and dresses, not my actual size. I love fashion, but shopping can be quite the pain. Then I started bringing my clothes to a tailor - a tuck here, a seam let out here, and taking half an inch off the bottom - who completely transformed not only my clothes, but how I felt in them. I felt like I was finally wearing clothes meant for me, not just bought for me and put on my body.

This season of Lent has been very different from others before it. In the past, Lent has proven to be a rough time in terms of learning the hard way some things that God wanted to teach me. This year I gave up listening to music in the car (as I did last year), but instead of feeling like God is  pulling out weeds deeply rooted in my heart while I'm driving, I feel this amazing sense of peace and the knowledge that I am growing closer to Him.

In chapter three of Colossians, Paul is writing to the Colossian church about the transformation that takes place once someone has put their faith in Christ and trusted in Him for their salvation. The Holy Spirit will help convict a person about what needs to be changed - cut off the lying, the idolatry, the covetousness, the slander, the impurity. Reinforce or repair seams of love, mercy, and compassion - those lines which define the garment and give it the distinct shape. Our old, dirty rags have been taken off and tossed in the trash for good. We are to have new garments!

... and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. (Colossians 3:10 ESV)

"Being renewed" is a beautiful and scary thought for me. On one hand, I know that my sanctification is on-going and active, incomplete until I am in heaven. My clothes will be waiting for me when I am finally called home. On the other hand, the tailoring process is not an easy one. It requires multiple fittings, the risk of being stuck with a pin, and patience.

Right now, I feel for the first time that I am wearing properly fitting garments. The sleeve length is good, the hem is straight, and I'm not pulling at awkwardly fitting armholes. But, as C.S. Lewis said, we are far too easily pleased. The fit that I am feeling now is just a taste of what is to come as I continue to walk with God. Now that He has allowed me to experience what His garments are like compared to the ones that I used to wear, I know that the tailoring process is not over. A lifetime of minor alterations will result in something so beautiful, I won't be able to fully appreciate it here on earth. I will be too preoccupied with the process - complaining of pin pricks, His method of tailoring, and the time that I will wait. Praise His Name that He loves me, that He loves us, enough to not give up and not accept anything less than what He has to give us.

Birds

Birds have been showing up a lot in my life recently. Not one specific bird, just birds in general. Recently I have been waking up to the birds singing outside my window, and not my alarm; there are turkey vultures and hawks that catch the winds and just hover and dive above the soccer, softball, and baseball fields; blue jays and robins sing outside my work window during the day. Then Wednesday, I read a Stuff Christians Like entry (here is the post) that really spoke to me. To quickly summarize, the passage is Leviticus 14:49-53 which talks about a purification ceremony. It involved sacrificing one bird and then dipping the live bird (and other materials) in the bowl that held the blood of the sacrificed bird. Then, the live bird was to be released.

Jon Acuff's point was that the bird that was set free, the bird that was bathed in the blood of the sacrifice, probably didn't mosey down the street and out of town. Rather, it flew out of there as fast as its little wings could cary it. Right now, God is teaching me what it looks like to be that bird, the one that was set free because of the death of the first bird. My reaction to being set free should be to stretch my wings and take to the skies, riding the winds and soaring in freedom; to fly towards the sun. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am finally having that reaction. Most of my life, I have been the bird that strolls down the street, or worse yet, the bird that has been given freedom but remains in a cage, too afraid to venture into the skies. My cage is comfortable - there's food, water, protection, and others around me. But, no matter how comfortable the cage is, at the end of the day, it is not the freedom that I have been given.

I have been a Christian for some time now, but this is the first time that I have felt this kind of freedom. I feel a lightness and joy that is so unlike anything I have experienced before that it can only be from God. I want nothing more than to continue flying towards the sun and to have others fly with me. I pray that this be the attitude of my heart when I go back to Belgium. I pray that the freedom that I have in Christ will be seen by the people that we meet and that they will want to leave their cages and soar with me. I want to take to the skies and sing the song that God has given me to sing. My song is beautiful, but it pales in comparison to the song that could be made by singing with other birds.

A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song. - Chinese proverb

Lord, help me live in Your freedom so the song You have given me is heard, not in fear that keeps me silent. 

Bucket Lists

I feel like I need to post a warning before I start this entry. This is my blog, that is to say it's not the official team blog that will be used this summer while we are in Belgium. Leading up to the trip, I will use this as a means of putting on "paper" some of the things, relating to the trip, that He is bringing to my attention and walking with me as I process. This entry relates to one of those things.

I'm not a big list-maker. I will take one to Target, mainly because I have zero self-control in there, but other than that, I don't like them. Just another thing for me to worry about misplacing. Usually, I keep a running list in my head and that is enough. But recently I was challenged by my good friend Jodi, who now has her very own tag sine God has blessed me with her being such a big part of this experience, to make a singleness bucket list - a list of ten things that God is teaching you and/or things you do (or want to do) with your time that would be really hard/nearly impossible to do when you're married. I'll share mine with y'all and then explain how in the world this relates to Belgium.

1. Tithing and giving money away like it's going out of style. I love supporting my friends on mission and I feel like once I get married, while I know we will continue to give, there will be changes. Some will be changes for the better and some changes that will be hard for me to make. But right now, it's easy for me to give; I don't have to deal with two people's financial backgrounds. Just mine.
2. Taking up new hobbies, like rock climbing. Because my schedule is pretty full, finding time for rock climbing is a challenge. Since I am single, I can go at 9am on a Saturday, 4.30pm on a Monday, or just on a whim when I decide that I need to get lost in my thoughts on the rock wall.
3. Decorating my room just as I want it. No consultation of any other parties necessary.
4. Teaching me to be fully satisfied in Him and Him alone. So often I want to look for satisfaction in creation, not the Creator. Creation is awesome and it reflects Him, but it cannot satisfy us as wholly and completely as He can. It wasn't made to. It may seem easier to look to His stuff and not to Him, but as I have been learning, it's a drug to mask the bigger issue. If you have a stress fracture, Advil will only do so much. If you don't get it treated, shin pain can turn into a complete break of a bone. I am so blessed to have the time and circumstances to be able to sit alone and pray that God be enough, not just in prayer and hope, but in actual day-to-day life. A year ago, I would have balked at the thought of sitting alone in silence at the dinner table with no one home. But now, I look forward to the nights that I can do that. I've started calling it "Holy Family Dinner" where I sit at the dinner table with no music, no TV, no roommate (though I do love living with her), no anything and just eat with the Trinity. 
5. International trips. I've been blessed with the time and means to travel to England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Spain, Morocco, Germany, Belgium, and The Netherlands (though Belgium and The Netherlands were technically a mission trip). The list of countries I still want to visit is pretty long and I have a feeling that international travel may be a little tougher to do when I'm a wife. 
6. Going out (on a school night!) after Bible study to celebrate National Margarita Day with some of your closest friends.
7. Having a job that allows me to walk in the trenches with the athletes that God has called me to serve. This job also requires me to work, for the most part, with no help to take care of 150+ athletes on 10 different athletic teams. I often leave work mentally and physically exhausted. I have a hard enough time maintaining relationships with my friends. While a relationship wouldn't be impossible to have at this phase of life, it would take a lot of work. Knowing me, I would probably feel guilty that I wasn't able to give 100% to both my athletes and my husband. I may desire a husband, but I also have to trust God in His timing. He knows me better than I know myself, anyway.
8. When I cook, I don't have to worry about others. I can make my vegetarian, uber-healthy meals and no one will question what I'm making.
9. When it comes to my free time, I can do as I please. Sermons, books, movies, naps, walks, workouts, studying, whatever I want. 
10. Finally, the one that relates to Belgium. I have the opportunity to leave home for 6-8 weeks during the summer, learning how to lead and facilitate small group discussions as well as growing in my faith with God. This summer I will spend three weeks in Ohio in leadership training and working in the trenches of AIA training camps. Then, I am blessed to have the chance to return to Belgium for another three weeks. While I love the people here in Texas, I am not tied here. I have not stood before God and promised to be joined to my husband in marriage. If God told me to move across the country, across the world, tomorrow, it would be hard but I would go. 

I don't know how many more times God will call me back to serve in Belgium, but right now, I want so badly to go, so if that it means choosing between Belgium or a husband, I choose Belgium. In a perfect world, I would have a husband who could serve with me. But, this is a broken, fallen world. Serving God in Belgium brings me so much joy and as a Christian Hedonist (hey, John Piper), I want to seek God and delight in Him.

Spiritual Rehab Exercises

My first language is English, but I'm fluent in several sports - soccer, baseball, softball, track & field, and hockey. People may say that math is the international language, but I'd say that sport is in the running for that title.

As an athletic trainer, I see the big picture. I see gifts that people have been blessed with, areas that need improvement, and when people are broken and need to be fixed before getting back out on their respected field, I help them through that process. I am able to break down the big picture into smaller pictures, and then even into smaller steps to complete each picture. I understand that there must be some breaking down and rebuilding, which requires some pain, in order for healing and improvement to take place. Going through the motions without feeling challenged is usually a sign that it's time to move up to the next level. No pain, no gain.

In my relationship with Christ, this is both a blessing and a hindrance. A hindrance because I get frustrated since I don't see God's big picture. He doesn't let me see the rehab flow-chart that He has prepared for me. I want to see the exercise that I'm on, what I have done to get there (which, He does allow me to see from time to time), what exercises are next, and what injury that I'm working on. Is this a pride issue? A trust issue? Correcting an incorrect teaching or habit? What exactly is the end-goal here? But it is blessing in that I know when tough, painful situations come at me, God is not punishing me. Rather, He is moving me up to the next level of rehab exercises. And at first, when He tells me to do three sets of eight repetitions, I may very well fall on my face and fail miserably. But I have to try again, because if I stay at the level that is comfortable, there won't be improvement. In fact, I may very well regress. There is a verse from Hebrews that I try and remember when I fall -

[12] Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, [13] and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. (Hebrews 12:12-13 ESV)

When you're sucking wind after a hard workout, the worst thing you can do is sit down or stumble through a cool-down with your hands on your knees. You need you core and legs back to help keep you steady and standing tall. If you're having trouble, sometimes you need a friend to lean on for a second. But you can't lean on them forever. I have found the same to be true in my own life, both physically and spiritually. God has placed a lot of awesome people in my life who will come along side me and support me while I recover, but no one will stand me up or walk me in a straight line. And praise God for that - that He is my coach, my athletic trainer, and my God.

Paul and Timothy

Paul and Timothy had a pretty great thing in terms of their relationship. As a single 20-something, the world can still be pretty overwhelming. Praise God that He has blessed me with some pretty amazing friends, most of whom are at least 5 years older than I am. Some are single, some are married, some are engaged, but all are some of the best people that I know. But, because I am the baby of the group, there are times where I feel all of this information being poured into me is just hitting a brick wall and not going anywhere. And that is not good. I want to be filled in order that I may pour out. I feel like I have many Paul's, but I am not being anything but a Timothy.

I have been praying about pre-Belgium training camps in Xenia for a while now. During a recent conversation with Jodi, she tells me, "So you know how you said that you feel like God is about to knock you on your butt? I may be involved in that." Oh boy. What in the world is she going to say next? "There is another AT who wants to travel with us on another project. She's a couple years younger than you, but she hasn't had that experience of living out her faith in a real-world, practical setting that you have. I was thinking maybe while you're up here this June, you could meet with her and pour into her a little."

I'll be honest: I cried. Not right then, but later that evening on my drive home. I felt completely overwhelmed, in a good way. Lately I have been receiving a lot of affirmation in the way and how I am walking with God, as well as seeing some spiritual growth in areas that I have been praying that I grow in. Thinking about it right now is still a little much; feelings of honor and amazement and disbelief and fear and excitement and pure joy. 

My prayer is that I keep running after God and that I be a useful tool in His plans this summer. I pray that any ulterior motives in my heart are weeded out long before June. I pray that He speaks through me. I pray that I remain teachable for this, during this, after this, and for the rest of my life. I pray that I am a Paul in word, deed, and heart. There isn't anything else I know how to do but pray and to cling to Him in trust and know that sanctification is never easy but it is always good.

Old Fears

Life has been pretty crazy recently. Between hitting the ground running at work, starting to pray about the summer trip back to Belgium, and other changes happening both in and around me, I was beginning to feel like I was standing in front of a washing machine. One of those front-load ones where you can watch the clothes, water, and suds churn and swirl. The really cool part never starts at once; there is a build up that takes a few cycles before things get all crazy. I remember praying recently, "Lord, I feel like I'm standing in front of a washer that just got going and You're about to open the door and let that swirling, churning wall of water knock me on my butt." And He has.

Late Friday night, I got a Facebook message from Jodi, my good friend/AIA staff member who is leading the Belgium trip. She told me that she and the other track & field AIA staff members wanted me to pray about coming up to Xenia on June 7th or 8th to help run training camp for the athletes, get ready for Belgium, and be another able body who would be able to make sure things run smoothly.

I will be honest - my immediate reaction was one of, "Wow..." While I didn't say any of the things that were running through my mind to Jodi ("Are you serious? Why me?; I've never done anything like that; Are you sure you want me?; Are you trying to get me to join staff?"), they have been hanging out in my head for a little bit now. I've been praying fairly non-stop since she asked me to start praying (praise God for a job that provides me with a lot of time to stand around and pray). I spent my quiet time on Saturday reading Exodus 3 where Moses talks to God on the mountain. God has just told him that he will be the one to go to Pharaoh and lead Israel out of Egypt. And Moses stands in front of God and gives Him a laundry list of why he should find someone else. I was fairly confident of the answer that God was leading me to, but then I went to church on Sunday morning and the preacher used that as one of his sections of Scripture in his sermon. His topic - how we go to God asking for things, and that He does answer us. Alright, Lord, message received and understood.

It is amazing to me that God loves me, that He loves us. He created this entire universe, and all of creation obeys Him. When Jesus was on earth, He walked on water, stopped storms, drove illnesses from people, raised people from the dead. But we, who were made by Him, dare to stand before our Creator and declare, "No."And He still would send His Son to die for us. Because He loves us.

So, I am going to go to Xenia for three-ish weeks before I go to Belgium. I am going to trust that He will use me, even if I tend to spook like a horse and want to dart at the slightest rustle. I will trust that He has equipped me with all of the tools that I will need, and now it's just a matter of using them. He has brought me through so much and has given me no reason to distrust Him. I will continue to turn to Him and pray that I am bringing Him glory in the process. I may revert back to my Moses-like ways and want to show Him that I'm not the girl for the job, but deep down, I know that if He says I am, then I am.

Now all we need to do is to figure out a feminine form of the name "Moses".

Broken Heart

My heart breaks for Europe. Specifically, Belgium. And Germany, but that's another story for another day.

Last summer, we met a LOT of people. A team of loud American track & field athletes dragging rolling luggage over cobblestone streets is kind of hard to miss. While we stuck out like sore thumbs, we used that as a way to start conversations. And in the process, to make some awesome new friends.

Some of the folks we met were American athletes, over in Europe for the summer to compete on the European circuit. Some were locals of the city. Some were athletes from other European countries. Some were backpackers. Some were engineering students. Some were Christian, but the majority were not.

My favorite conversations that I had were the ones with non-Christians about Christianity. The more I listened to the stories of the people that I met, the more my heart broke. There was so much pain in so many people's voices. Some had horrible experiences in the church, some had known "Christians" who used that label to get what they want out of people and of life, or who claimed to be Christians but who lived in a way contrary to what they preached. I heard the health and wealth gospel, the "all paths lead to God" gospel, and descriptions of God's character so contrary to who He is that knocked the wind from me. I know I'm not God (though I do like to try and play Him from time to time regarding my own life), but maybe now I have just the minutest amount of understanding of what it feels like for Him, to see His children reject Him and pursue things that are not fulfilling but try and fill their emptiness with anyway.

I am so excited to go back to Belgium this year. I cannot wait to go back, follow up with friends from last year, make new friends, and hopefully, Lord willing, share the Gospel with people. My prayer is that we build relationships; that we live in such a way that encourages conversation; that when we do talk with people, we listen to them and show that we are not judging them; that we honestly do want to hear what they have to say; and that they may come to know the God that I know and love. Who loves me, and every single other person, so much that He sent His only, perfect Son to die a death that we, so hopeless and sinful, deserved to die in order that we would be brought back home to Him.

That's my prayer, anyway.

Belgium Round Two!

I have wonderful news - I have officially been invited to go on another summer trip with Athletes in Action's track & field team this June! In addition to asking me back for another trip, it was mentioned that I take more of a leadership role on this trip. While details are still coming together, I wanted to share what details I do know and some specific prayer requests.

What I know so far -
:: Dates:  June 27th through July 18th (always the possibility that this could change)
:: Destination: Belgium, with the possibility of going to The Czech Republic (not confirmed yet)
:: Track meet dates: July 2, 9, and 16 (all Saturdays this time, thankfully)
:: If we do go to The Czech Republic, we will be putting on track & field clinics for local athletes and sharing the Gospel with them during our time there.
:: My duties: team athletic trainer, team chef (meal planning, daily grocery shopping/meal prep, managing the food budget, etc), possibly doing some one-on-one discipleship with athletes, and generally being "team mom".
:: Total support that needs to be raised: TBD sometime in the next few months.

Specific prayer requests -
:: Prayers that details come together - destinations, final team roster, housing, support goals, and other logistics that need to be finalized.
:: Prayers for the coming together of this year's team; that we be one team and we live together well.
:: Prayers for following up with the relationships that we formed last year.

I think that's it for now. Thank y'all so much for your prayers! I will keep you updated as I know more information.