Paul and Timothy

Paul and Timothy had a pretty great thing in terms of their relationship. As a single 20-something, the world can still be pretty overwhelming. Praise God that He has blessed me with some pretty amazing friends, most of whom are at least 5 years older than I am. Some are single, some are married, some are engaged, but all are some of the best people that I know. But, because I am the baby of the group, there are times where I feel all of this information being poured into me is just hitting a brick wall and not going anywhere. And that is not good. I want to be filled in order that I may pour out. I feel like I have many Paul's, but I am not being anything but a Timothy.

I have been praying about pre-Belgium training camps in Xenia for a while now. During a recent conversation with Jodi, she tells me, "So you know how you said that you feel like God is about to knock you on your butt? I may be involved in that." Oh boy. What in the world is she going to say next? "There is another AT who wants to travel with us on another project. She's a couple years younger than you, but she hasn't had that experience of living out her faith in a real-world, practical setting that you have. I was thinking maybe while you're up here this June, you could meet with her and pour into her a little."

I'll be honest: I cried. Not right then, but later that evening on my drive home. I felt completely overwhelmed, in a good way. Lately I have been receiving a lot of affirmation in the way and how I am walking with God, as well as seeing some spiritual growth in areas that I have been praying that I grow in. Thinking about it right now is still a little much; feelings of honor and amazement and disbelief and fear and excitement and pure joy. 

My prayer is that I keep running after God and that I be a useful tool in His plans this summer. I pray that any ulterior motives in my heart are weeded out long before June. I pray that He speaks through me. I pray that I remain teachable for this, during this, after this, and for the rest of my life. I pray that I am a Paul in word, deed, and heart. There isn't anything else I know how to do but pray and to cling to Him in trust and know that sanctification is never easy but it is always good.

Old Fears

Life has been pretty crazy recently. Between hitting the ground running at work, starting to pray about the summer trip back to Belgium, and other changes happening both in and around me, I was beginning to feel like I was standing in front of a washing machine. One of those front-load ones where you can watch the clothes, water, and suds churn and swirl. The really cool part never starts at once; there is a build up that takes a few cycles before things get all crazy. I remember praying recently, "Lord, I feel like I'm standing in front of a washer that just got going and You're about to open the door and let that swirling, churning wall of water knock me on my butt." And He has.

Late Friday night, I got a Facebook message from Jodi, my good friend/AIA staff member who is leading the Belgium trip. She told me that she and the other track & field AIA staff members wanted me to pray about coming up to Xenia on June 7th or 8th to help run training camp for the athletes, get ready for Belgium, and be another able body who would be able to make sure things run smoothly.

I will be honest - my immediate reaction was one of, "Wow..." While I didn't say any of the things that were running through my mind to Jodi ("Are you serious? Why me?; I've never done anything like that; Are you sure you want me?; Are you trying to get me to join staff?"), they have been hanging out in my head for a little bit now. I've been praying fairly non-stop since she asked me to start praying (praise God for a job that provides me with a lot of time to stand around and pray). I spent my quiet time on Saturday reading Exodus 3 where Moses talks to God on the mountain. God has just told him that he will be the one to go to Pharaoh and lead Israel out of Egypt. And Moses stands in front of God and gives Him a laundry list of why he should find someone else. I was fairly confident of the answer that God was leading me to, but then I went to church on Sunday morning and the preacher used that as one of his sections of Scripture in his sermon. His topic - how we go to God asking for things, and that He does answer us. Alright, Lord, message received and understood.

It is amazing to me that God loves me, that He loves us. He created this entire universe, and all of creation obeys Him. When Jesus was on earth, He walked on water, stopped storms, drove illnesses from people, raised people from the dead. But we, who were made by Him, dare to stand before our Creator and declare, "No."And He still would send His Son to die for us. Because He loves us.

So, I am going to go to Xenia for three-ish weeks before I go to Belgium. I am going to trust that He will use me, even if I tend to spook like a horse and want to dart at the slightest rustle. I will trust that He has equipped me with all of the tools that I will need, and now it's just a matter of using them. He has brought me through so much and has given me no reason to distrust Him. I will continue to turn to Him and pray that I am bringing Him glory in the process. I may revert back to my Moses-like ways and want to show Him that I'm not the girl for the job, but deep down, I know that if He says I am, then I am.

Now all we need to do is to figure out a feminine form of the name "Moses".

Broken Heart

My heart breaks for Europe. Specifically, Belgium. And Germany, but that's another story for another day.

Last summer, we met a LOT of people. A team of loud American track & field athletes dragging rolling luggage over cobblestone streets is kind of hard to miss. While we stuck out like sore thumbs, we used that as a way to start conversations. And in the process, to make some awesome new friends.

Some of the folks we met were American athletes, over in Europe for the summer to compete on the European circuit. Some were locals of the city. Some were athletes from other European countries. Some were backpackers. Some were engineering students. Some were Christian, but the majority were not.

My favorite conversations that I had were the ones with non-Christians about Christianity. The more I listened to the stories of the people that I met, the more my heart broke. There was so much pain in so many people's voices. Some had horrible experiences in the church, some had known "Christians" who used that label to get what they want out of people and of life, or who claimed to be Christians but who lived in a way contrary to what they preached. I heard the health and wealth gospel, the "all paths lead to God" gospel, and descriptions of God's character so contrary to who He is that knocked the wind from me. I know I'm not God (though I do like to try and play Him from time to time regarding my own life), but maybe now I have just the minutest amount of understanding of what it feels like for Him, to see His children reject Him and pursue things that are not fulfilling but try and fill their emptiness with anyway.

I am so excited to go back to Belgium this year. I cannot wait to go back, follow up with friends from last year, make new friends, and hopefully, Lord willing, share the Gospel with people. My prayer is that we build relationships; that we live in such a way that encourages conversation; that when we do talk with people, we listen to them and show that we are not judging them; that we honestly do want to hear what they have to say; and that they may come to know the God that I know and love. Who loves me, and every single other person, so much that He sent His only, perfect Son to die a death that we, so hopeless and sinful, deserved to die in order that we would be brought back home to Him.

That's my prayer, anyway.

Belgium Round Two!

I have wonderful news - I have officially been invited to go on another summer trip with Athletes in Action's track & field team this June! In addition to asking me back for another trip, it was mentioned that I take more of a leadership role on this trip. While details are still coming together, I wanted to share what details I do know and some specific prayer requests.

What I know so far -
:: Dates:  June 27th through July 18th (always the possibility that this could change)
:: Destination: Belgium, with the possibility of going to The Czech Republic (not confirmed yet)
:: Track meet dates: July 2, 9, and 16 (all Saturdays this time, thankfully)
:: If we do go to The Czech Republic, we will be putting on track & field clinics for local athletes and sharing the Gospel with them during our time there.
:: My duties: team athletic trainer, team chef (meal planning, daily grocery shopping/meal prep, managing the food budget, etc), possibly doing some one-on-one discipleship with athletes, and generally being "team mom".
:: Total support that needs to be raised: TBD sometime in the next few months.

Specific prayer requests -
:: Prayers that details come together - destinations, final team roster, housing, support goals, and other logistics that need to be finalized.
:: Prayers for the coming together of this year's team; that we be one team and we live together well.
:: Prayers for following up with the relationships that we formed last year.

I think that's it for now. Thank y'all so much for your prayers! I will keep you updated as I know more information.