It has been quite the month. Between April 28th and May 25th, I will have been on the road with either baseball or softball for twenty of the last twenty-eight days. Those twenty days have been some of the hardest, but some of the most liberating days as well. By taking me away from my usual circumstances and placing me in the company of athletes, He has taught me to not have what I am so used to. In the process, I am learning to appreciate better the blessings that He has given me, and at the same time, having Him be enough, filling those lonely times with Himself rather than my normal method of looking to friends.
The hardest part through all of this has been being aware that I am living my life under a microscope. The athletes all know that I am a Christian. I am not ashamed to admit to this title. But what gets hard is knowing that I am watched. Everything I say and do is examined. The baseball guys and softball girls are not shy about the fact that they are watching me, listening to me, and then talking to me about what they hear and see.
Though it has been pretty tiring, it has been a real blessing to be under the microscope for so long. My desire is to bring glory to God's name through my words and deeds. Sometimes at home, surrounded by fellow Christians, it is easy to be a Christian. But when you are removed from that environment, your comfort zone, you suddenly become very aware of your words and actions. At least, that is how these past nineteen days have been for me.
A story that God has been bringing me back to during this time has been one of the many instances in Matthew where Jesus is yelling at the Pharisees (religious leaders) for being hypocritical, seeking approval and status from men by saying and doing the right things while their hearts remain evil.
The hardest part through all of this has been being aware that I am living my life under a microscope. The athletes all know that I am a Christian. I am not ashamed to admit to this title. But what gets hard is knowing that I am watched. Everything I say and do is examined. The baseball guys and softball girls are not shy about the fact that they are watching me, listening to me, and then talking to me about what they hear and see.
Though it has been pretty tiring, it has been a real blessing to be under the microscope for so long. My desire is to bring glory to God's name through my words and deeds. Sometimes at home, surrounded by fellow Christians, it is easy to be a Christian. But when you are removed from that environment, your comfort zone, you suddenly become very aware of your words and actions. At least, that is how these past nineteen days have been for me.
A story that God has been bringing me back to during this time has been one of the many instances in Matthew where Jesus is yelling at the Pharisees (religious leaders) for being hypocritical, seeking approval and status from men by saying and doing the right things while their hearts remain evil.
My words will be judged when I stand before God. While there is a possibility that I can change my surface behavior, only God can continue to transform my heart. I praise Him that He has allowed me the opportunity to seek Him and His power to change me. I want my heart and my words to match. I want my deeds and heart to match. And, ultimately, I want my heart to be as His heart is. And no amount of pretending to say or do the right thing will make my heart match His.“Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matthew 12:33-37 ESV)
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