I started four different blog posts, saved each one, and have since deleted all of them in my quest to figure out just what exactly He is up to in my life. I've had a lot of people excited to hear what God is doing, and I so badly want to share, but even after sitting down with Ashley and talking through all of the events of the past week and a half, I am still a little lost.
I have absolutely no idea what God is doing in my life. And I'm okay with that.
Talking with Ashley really helped. One thing that she said, and has really stuck with me, is that it can be hard to see exactly what is going on when you're still in the middle of the work He has planned. I thought that after I came back from Training Camp, I would have some down time to process through and see what the heck was going on, but I am coming to find out that He just isn't showing me what is happening. In The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom recounts a time in her life when a family member died. She is talking to her father about what happens and is frustrated that she doesn't know why it happened. Her father tells her to think about when she was a little girl. They would ride the train together, her father never giving her the train ticket she needed to board the train until just the right time - right when they were boarding. God, Corrie's father says, is like that - never giving us anything until just the right time.
I can tell you that God has answered prayer over this past week and a half. He has allowed me to do life for a full week with true, genuine men of God. Men who are seeking Him, His heart, His character, and His will for their lives. For the last six-to-eight weeks of the school year, I did a lot of traveling and spent a lot of time around grown boys. It can be discouraging when that is the only picture of guys that you see. Praise God that He decided to show me just how wrong and ugly that lie is. I am incredibly thankful to have met and done life with the men that I met at Training Camp and I am excited to meet the men that God has on Team Belgium.
Another answered prayer was that of community. Now, don't get me wrong, the Lord has blessed me with an amazing group of friends on whom I lean, cry, and collapse when life is tricky. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I go back to my job, where I am the lone Christian in my athletic department. I cannot fellowship with the athletes in a way that I fellowship with my friends, so the feeling of being isolated is pretty overwhelming sometimes. Training Camp provided the opportunity to meet Christian athletes (ones that I was not directly responsible for) and coaches (that I didn't have to worry about messing up any working relationships), and I was able to establish meaningful relationships. One of the directors said something that has stuck with me as I have been praying. He was talking about how he met his wife while working with AIA - "Jesus and sport. That's enough to build a life together." For me, it wasn't a romantic relationship that formed, but we as a team were able to come together as a family because Jesus and sport were enough for us. It was something that was truly beautiful.
Answered prayer number three is that He has blessed me with a new Christian athletic trainer friend. Granted, she lives in Virginia, but the opportunity to get to know her, do life with her, and having the chance to take care of each other (she took care of my strained quads, I took care of her concussed brain) was encouraging. It was encouraging because I was able to talk to someone as a certified athletic trainer, not translating my stream of consciousness for someone not familiar with that language. She found out that she got her very first big-girl ATC job while we were at training camp, and it was so awesome to be able to celebrate with her. It makes me feel kind of old to think that I have been practicing for two years now, but also just amazed that God would bless me with the opportunities to serve where I have served so far. And I'm only 24!
Finally, my last answered prayer (that I can think of right now) is the fact that I feel like I have been poured into for the first time in a long, long time. Again, not saying that the community that the Lord has blessed me with here doesn't pour into me and build me up, but it is so wonderful to fellowship with people who see sport, competition, and workouts as a way to worship God. We seek to leave it all on the field or the gym as a way to say, "Thank you." I spend so much of the school year pouring out and serving that sometimes I feel like I need to be filled back up in order just to get out of bed in the morning. After the crazy eight days that we spent getting broken down, I have never felt more full in my life. I am ready to be sent, to meet people, to serve them, to love them, and to be poured out for them. I know that I will be doing not just those things, but also getting filled up while I am in Belgium. He will pour into me so I can pour out to my athletes come the start of the school year.
So, I may have just listed a bunch of what God is doing in my life, but I am still blind to it. Perhaps it is because God hasn't handed me my train ticket yet. Or I can't see the forest amongst the trees. For whatever reason, I'm okay with it. I trust that He will show up and have me see just exactly He wants me to learn from all of this, and if that doesn't happen until the time I'm in Italy, or even after I get back from Europe, that's okay, too. To quote Prince Erik from "The Little Mermaid," it will just hit me... like lightning!
I have absolutely no idea what God is doing in my life. And I'm okay with that.
Talking with Ashley really helped. One thing that she said, and has really stuck with me, is that it can be hard to see exactly what is going on when you're still in the middle of the work He has planned. I thought that after I came back from Training Camp, I would have some down time to process through and see what the heck was going on, but I am coming to find out that He just isn't showing me what is happening. In The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom recounts a time in her life when a family member died. She is talking to her father about what happens and is frustrated that she doesn't know why it happened. Her father tells her to think about when she was a little girl. They would ride the train together, her father never giving her the train ticket she needed to board the train until just the right time - right when they were boarding. God, Corrie's father says, is like that - never giving us anything until just the right time.
I can tell you that God has answered prayer over this past week and a half. He has allowed me to do life for a full week with true, genuine men of God. Men who are seeking Him, His heart, His character, and His will for their lives. For the last six-to-eight weeks of the school year, I did a lot of traveling and spent a lot of time around grown boys. It can be discouraging when that is the only picture of guys that you see. Praise God that He decided to show me just how wrong and ugly that lie is. I am incredibly thankful to have met and done life with the men that I met at Training Camp and I am excited to meet the men that God has on Team Belgium.
Another answered prayer was that of community. Now, don't get me wrong, the Lord has blessed me with an amazing group of friends on whom I lean, cry, and collapse when life is tricky. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I go back to my job, where I am the lone Christian in my athletic department. I cannot fellowship with the athletes in a way that I fellowship with my friends, so the feeling of being isolated is pretty overwhelming sometimes. Training Camp provided the opportunity to meet Christian athletes (ones that I was not directly responsible for) and coaches (that I didn't have to worry about messing up any working relationships), and I was able to establish meaningful relationships. One of the directors said something that has stuck with me as I have been praying. He was talking about how he met his wife while working with AIA - "Jesus and sport. That's enough to build a life together." For me, it wasn't a romantic relationship that formed, but we as a team were able to come together as a family because Jesus and sport were enough for us. It was something that was truly beautiful.
Answered prayer number three is that He has blessed me with a new Christian athletic trainer friend. Granted, she lives in Virginia, but the opportunity to get to know her, do life with her, and having the chance to take care of each other (she took care of my strained quads, I took care of her concussed brain) was encouraging. It was encouraging because I was able to talk to someone as a certified athletic trainer, not translating my stream of consciousness for someone not familiar with that language. She found out that she got her very first big-girl ATC job while we were at training camp, and it was so awesome to be able to celebrate with her. It makes me feel kind of old to think that I have been practicing for two years now, but also just amazed that God would bless me with the opportunities to serve where I have served so far. And I'm only 24!
Finally, my last answered prayer (that I can think of right now) is the fact that I feel like I have been poured into for the first time in a long, long time. Again, not saying that the community that the Lord has blessed me with here doesn't pour into me and build me up, but it is so wonderful to fellowship with people who see sport, competition, and workouts as a way to worship God. We seek to leave it all on the field or the gym as a way to say, "Thank you." I spend so much of the school year pouring out and serving that sometimes I feel like I need to be filled back up in order just to get out of bed in the morning. After the crazy eight days that we spent getting broken down, I have never felt more full in my life. I am ready to be sent, to meet people, to serve them, to love them, and to be poured out for them. I know that I will be doing not just those things, but also getting filled up while I am in Belgium. He will pour into me so I can pour out to my athletes come the start of the school year.
So, I may have just listed a bunch of what God is doing in my life, but I am still blind to it. Perhaps it is because God hasn't handed me my train ticket yet. Or I can't see the forest amongst the trees. For whatever reason, I'm okay with it. I trust that He will show up and have me see just exactly He wants me to learn from all of this, and if that doesn't happen until the time I'm in Italy, or even after I get back from Europe, that's okay, too. To quote Prince Erik from "The Little Mermaid," it will just hit me... like lightning!
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