Hello & Goodbye

Confession: Had you asked me three years ago where Belgium was on a map, I more than likely would have failed to point it out correctly.

I had heard of Belgian chocolates, seen the "Belgian waffles" on boxes, in dorm cafeterias, and in the frozen food section of the grocery store, and had just started developing my beer-snobbery by reading about different styles of beer (Belgian being one of them). At the end of the day, I was an uneducated, stereotypical American that was only aware of the countries of western Europe that took up some space. That being said, a country the size of Maryland was not on my radar. 

Then the Lord showed up and, as He always does, knocked me off my feet with how He changed my heart. Instead of sending me to a country in Eastern Europe for a ten day sports medicine/performance trip, He sent me to Belgium with a track & field team for four weeks. Twice. In the process of sending me 5,200+ miles across the world and back the past two summers, I came back to Texas with a deep love for the people in Belgium, specifically the residents of Leuven. I'd say random, but I know it's not, because the Lord is never "random". 

Back in January, when I was operating under the assumption that I was going to be returning for a third summer, my life began to change. Work was becoming unreasonable, overwhelming, and down-right abusive. I wasn't able to give the trip the proper attention that it deserved, though the Lord continued to have me raise support and schedule my life as if I were going to be in Leuven for another summer. I couldn't wait to get back to Belgium, to the people, to the track meets. 

Then the Lord plucked me out of my work environment and plopped me in the middle of a company that is beyond any company that I could have dreamt to work for. I know that it is a company run by humans, and we won't see perfection this side of heaven, but as far as the right job for me, this is it. To be placed in this company, however, meant saying, "No" to Belgium this year. 

I felt physically ill for weeks after that. I wasn't angry or mad or frustrated or even wanting to know why (I thought that I knew fully at the time), I was honest to goodness sick with grief. The Lord had asked me to rip out a portion of my heart that He had developed, one that was deeply rooted, and hand the trip back to Him. As I grieved and processed, I was swept up in a whirlwind and sent to San Antonio for four weeks of training before reporting back to the DFW area to start in my clinic. Between the pain of tearing out a part of my heart and then being overwhelmed by how the Lord provided for me, I couldn't figure out how to process it all. After much prayer, I felt as if I had my feet back on dry ground.

Then news came that my grandma (mom's mom) had been admitted to the hospital. They diagnosed her with blood clots in her lungs, which lead to a diagnosis of "spots" on her pancreas and liver, which lead to "malignant tumors" on those organs, which lead to a diagnosis of Stage IV pancreatic/liver cancer, followed by two mini-strokes in less than a week. I will be flying up Tuesday to spend the Fourth of July with my extended family one last time, flying back on Thursday and hitting the ground running.

I praise God that He had me walk away from Belgium in May. If I would have been scheduled to fly out on July 2nd, I'm not sure what I would have done. At the end of the day, I love Belgium and my Belgian friends. But this situation trumps a mission trip. Any day of the week. I will be back in Leuven, even if it means that I fly back by myself in the middle of December for a week. I have not said my last goodbyes there, and I know that I have lots of hellos to come. 

My trip up to Akron is going to be tough. Goodbyes are hard, and the last goodbyes are the hardest. There is pain and loneliness with last goodbyes. Praise God for the peace that comes with knowing that I will have one more "hello" waiting for me when I finally get to heaven. A hello that will be said in the presence of the Lord. A hello that will never have a goodbye attached to it, only a big hug and an eternity to spend praising God together. The last hello.