Moses

I will be honest with you; I hate raising support. Financially, I tend to have a very conservative attitude and operate under the saying, "If you can't afford it, don't buy it." At the end of the day, getting teeth pulled without any drugs is more appealing to me than asking people for money. And the Lord knows this. So, when Athletes in Action tells me that I will need to raise $3500 to go to Belgium, I felt my stomach sink a little bit.

The Lord is not hurting for cash; He has more capital than anyone could ever dream. But this is something that, for some reason, I have an incredibly difficult time remembering as truth. In the end, I work myself up, get over-anxious, and keep insisting "I've got this," when in reality, I am simply just spinning my wheels deeper into the mud. I in no way, shape, or form "got this." Chalk it up to pride. 

It was early April when I was finally given the final okay from my work to head over to Belgium with a track and field team. That was also the time that the Lord really put the story of Moses on my heart, more specifically, the conversation that he has with the Lord at the burning bush. The Lord has just told Moses that he will deliver His people out of Egypt and Moses' reaction is one of disbelief and doubt. The Lord has told him what to say to the people of Israel so they know he is really from God; He has shown him two physical signs, but this is not enough to convince Moses that everything is under control. Moses makes one last attempt to get out of what God has called him to do:

   

But Moses said to the LORD, “Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.” Then the LORD said to him, “Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.”  - (Exodus 4:10-12 ESV)

This conversation sends shivers down my spine. What has really stuck with me is that last verse: Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak. I read that as, "I just told you that I have the details under control, so get moving and don't worry; I've got this." I have a laundry list of reasons of why I'm unqualified for this - I'm only 23; I don't have enough real-life experience; I won't get time off from work; The money won't come in - have been my best effort to pull a Moses and get out of what God has called me to. Because I am scared. Let's just call a spade a spade. Or a dirty shovel. Whichever. 


I am not leading an enslaved people group out of Egypt. I will not have a staff by which to show the power of God. I won't be butting heads with Pharaoh. Quite frankly, I may not see anyone come to know Christ while I am there. But that is okay with me. I am not promised that I will see a seed take root and flourish. I am called to plant the seeds and tend the garden, so I will. He will teach me the skills I need to know so that I can be an effective tool for His kingdom.